Playing dead in your house is no fun

By Madison Zimmer, Staff Intern

To be as honest as usual, I have no idea what in the world to write about anymore. Three entires and I’m out of steam.

It’s difficult to write about being bored without sounding privileged and discounting those who are really suffering out there. And that’s not what I’m about.

That being said, I’m three Youtube tutorials and two cups of black coffee away from cutting my own hair. And you know what they say, if life gives you scissors, start chopping!

Or the one about lemonade. I guess it depends what type of person you are.

But what have I actually done when there is so little to do, besides contemplating self-destruction?

Well, I have been chased by a coyote. That counts, right?

All right, so maybe I wasn’t chased, necessarily.

This incident took place on a golf course in front of my friend’s apartment. We spotted two coyotes in the distance. One seemed to trot in our direction.

Now listen, I’m not redneck enough to mess with animals, and I didn’t watch Tiger King, so I ran. It felt like I was being chased, OK?

You may be wondering why I decided to leave my house in the first place, considering how much I expressed I didn’t want to in my last entries, and I’m not sure. I regret it completely.

How short do you think I should go? With my hair, obviously.

I like to think I’m a forward thinker, sometimes anyway.

I mean clearly not with my hair, but who cares about consequences right now. Anyway, to get myself through lockdown, I’ve comprised a shot list of things I could do when we’re aren’t in quarantine anymore. Maybe you will find something to look forward to here as well.

  1. Nothing, because it’s so much more fun to do that when you’re not being told to
  2. Paint myself blue, sit at the bottom of a pool, and watch people squirm as I grab their ankles
  3. Witchcraft (this one’s open to interpretation)
  4. Ferret racing, I don’t know if you need to own one to participate, but it’s fun to watch them run. Their bellies kinda hang and they look dumb but cute. I wonder if you can bet on ferrets like horses? 
  5. Donate your blood
  6. Play dead, but in public to make things more exciting
  7. Break into other people’s houses but only to make arts and crafts. Don’t forget to leave a wholesome note.
  8. And last, but certainly not least, extreme dog grooming. Don’t knock it, at least until you look at it. 

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