Satire The freshman invasion is real: Class of 2022 too immense to ignore

By Emily Powell, Web/Business Editor; and Madison Tappa, Asst. Section Editor

On the first day of school, well over 300 students — 350 to be exact — could be identified by their lanyards. The school had distributed lanyards to the incoming freshmen to make it easier for the rest of the high school body to identify that the freshmen class is just too huge.

Even Ralph Marchand, a science teacher who doesn’t even have to handle the freshmen, is already annoyed at how gigantic their class is.

“Freshmen, go home,” Marchand said on the freshmen invading the campus. “Don’t come back.”

If only the administrators had known that the Freshmen Invasion they had put together before school would turn into an actual freshmen invasion. They are everywhere to a point where the rest of the high school body is tired of them already.

“They’re annoying,” sophomore Jacob Giraldo said.

Other students do not have as many problems with the amount of freshmen who invaded the campus. When asked her thoughts on the size of the freshman class, junior Weronika Silva responded with an utterly brave remark.    

“Half of you guys are going to get kicked out anyways,” Silva said.

Some students have complaints on the actual size of the freshmen themselves.

“Why are their backpacks bigger than them?” sophomore Fabiana Ungaro said.

Others had comments on how the freshmen haven’t even grown an inch since middle school.

“Why didn’t you grow from middle school?” sophomore Niamh Mulroy said.

There were also some students who believed that the freshmen were still in elementary school.

“How did you skip five grades so fast?” sophomore James Hurst said.

After hearing about all of the satirical comments the upperclassmen had to say about them, the freshmen took the chance to retaliate, albeit mostly anonymously for fear of reprisal.

“They seem snobby and stuck-up in their own world like they rule everything around them,” one anonymous freshman said.

“Sophomores act like seniors,” another anonymous freshman said. (Yeah, we don’t know what that means either.)

“Whenever a sophomore or junior looks at me, they look at me like I’m contagious or like I have Ebola or something,” yet another anonymous freshman said. (Not sure how that’s an insult, but whatever.)

“They’re older, so they’re gonna die faster,” freshman Danielle Scott said. (Burn!)

One other freshman didn’t mind having the upperclassmen around.

“They’re cool,” said yet another freshman who wished to remain anonymous for fear (of what we’re not sure of).

Some other freshmen are fine with the way the upperclassmen treat them. Want to yell “Go home, freshmen!” at the pep rallies?

“I wanna go home,” freshman Christenn Loney said.

“Isn’t that how high school is supposed to work?” yet another anonymous freshman said.

Despite all of the mean comments from students and teachers, literacy coach and freshman class advisor Ann Wayland-Cook decided to welcome the freshmen.

“Freshmen are breaking down the doors to get here because they heard that Pompano Beach High School has a caring, supportive, and challenging environment,” Wayland-Cook said.

Posted: Sep. 25

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