Satire: Balls secured

By Alexis Schatten, Section Editor

With a four-star rating on, this school has always been seen as one of the best in the district, nay the country. No school on Fridays, having to go to math only twice a week and some of the best students in the state! However, is the school really as much of a safe haven as it’s said to be?

On April 25, a whole bag of dodgeballs was stolen from the gym, and this terrible act of rebellion has many students questioning how safe the school really is. If someone can steal these balls and feel no remorse, is nothing sacred?

“It’s really scary to me that something like this can happen in our school,” sophomore Hayley Charlebois said. “If the balls can be stolen that easily, what’s stopping my phone or my wallet from being taken?”

With new safety elements supposedly being implemented all around school, these concerns should be a thing of the past. As security tightens, it’s a travesty that this crime has gone unnoticed.

“(The balls) were nowhere to be found,” Coach Judd said. “The first thing I did, I tried to call the FBI, tried to determine a profile on who might’ve secured these balls and held onto them.”

The missing balls, while completely devastating on their own, are even more upsetting when it’s taken into consideration that the balls were snatched mere days before the National Honor Society dodgeball tournament on May 2.

“I cried when I found out. We need to find them because if not, we have to replace them with textbooks,” junior Julie Cox said.

Several students were accused of ball theft when the balls seemingly disappeared after the students’ practice for the tournament. This accusation could have very well destroyed not only their high school careers but their futures as upstanding members of society.

“I was told I was going to have to pay for the balls and the sack because they couldn’t find them,” an anonymous source said. “Luckily they found them RIGHT WHERE WE TOLD THEM THEY WERE!”

This disastrous event was ultimately solved when Judd checked the location the framed students had originally told him the balls had been put after practice.

“I jumped for joy. It’s hard to loose balls, and I felt like I was reunited with a long-lost sibling,” Judd said.

Posted: May 8

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